Monday, October 1, 2012

the cruel cycle is starting all over again..

she's pregnant..
she's also pregnant..
and oh look!! that girl is also pregnant..

..... and I'm still here.. the same old me..
who still got recovering to do..
le sigh..


Saturday, September 22, 2012

our loss.. Baby P :')

What is an ectopic pregnancy?

An ectopic pregnancy (EP) is a condition in which a fertilized egg settles and grows in any location other than the inner lining of the uterus. The vast majority of ectopic pregnancies are so-called tubal pregnancies and occur in the Fallopian tube (98%); however, they can occur in other locations, such as the ovary, cervix, and abdominal cavity. An ectopic pregnancy occurs in about one in 50 pregnancies. A molar differs from an ectopic in that it is usually a mass of tissue derived from an egg with incomplete genetic information that grows in the uterus in a grape-like mass that can cause symptoms to those of pregnancy.
The major health risk of ectopic pregnancy is rupture leading to internal bleeding. Before the 19th century, the mortality rate (the death rate) from ectopic pregnancies exceeded 50%. By the end of the 19th century, the mortality rate dropped to five percent because of surgical intervention. Statistics suggest with current advances in early detection, the mortality rate has improved to less than five in 10,000. The survival rate from ectopic pregnancies is improving even though the incidence of ectopic pregnancies is also increasing. The major reason for a poor outcome is failure to seek early medical attention. Ectopic pregnancy remains the leading cause of pregnancy-related death in the first trimester of pregnancy.
 The Doctor diagnosed us with ectopic pregnancy @ 6 weeks
Pregnancy : 6 weeks
This week's major developments: The nose, mouth, and ears that you'll spend so much time kissing in eight months are beginning to take shape. If you could see into your uterus, you'd find an oversize head and dark spots where your baby's eyes and nostrils are starting to form. His emerging ears are marked by small depressions on the sides of the head, and his arms and legs by protruding buds. His heart is beating about 100 to 160 times a minute — almost twice as fast as yours — and blood is beginning to course through his body. His intestines are developing, and the bud of tissue that will give rise to his lungs has appeared. His pituitary gland is forming, as are the rest of his brain, muscles, and bones. Right now, your baby is a quarter of an inch long, about the size of a lentil.
Our Baby can't survive in the fallopian tube obviously, and we couldn't force him into the womb also.. the doctor had to take the pregnancy out because i'm already bleeding.
Pregnancy loss is devastating, no matter when it happens or what the circumstances. Your hopes and dreams for the future are dashed, and you may feel as if you'll never be quite the same again. With time, however, comes healing. Give yourself the time you need to mourn your pregnancy loss and accept what's happened — and then look toward the future.
After a pregnancy loss, you may experience a range of emotions, including:
  • Denial. At first, it may be impossible to grasp what's happened. You may find yourself in shock or disbelief.
  • Anger. You may be angry at yourself, your partner or a higher power for letting this happen.
  • Guilt. You may wonder if you could have done anything to avoid the pregnancy loss.
  • Depression. Your pain and sorrow may lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-pity. You may develop symptoms of clinical depression — such as loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities, changes in eating or sleeping habits, and trouble concentrating and making decisions — as well.
  • Acceptance. You'll never forget your pregnancy loss, but each step in the grieving process brings you closer to acceptance — which may help ease your pain.
For Me, i lost a baby..
for the people/family who have been through the same thing as me, they know how i feel..
for people who told me "it's probably a misdiagnosed", just shut up and of you don't know the physical pain I've been through at that time to even said that..
for others who said to me it's not a real baby... hmmm i don't know what to say :)

Hoping Acceptance come quickly...

xoxo


Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Tiwa and The Hunger Games


 my tiwaaaaa!!!! *muacchhhh*


so me and hubby watched the hunger games a month or so ago, and i instantly fell in love!! and then start reading the book trilogy and i fell in love even more!! dang josh hutcherson is hot LOL and look what the husband bought me!! The Hunger Games : The Official Illustrated Movie Companion !!! *thank you ebi!!* oh and is it wrong if i want to name our future daughter like this character?? i'm thinking Amelie Katniss or Amelie Everdeen, good right? but the husband againts me naming our future son with the word peeta or mellark in it ahahahhaha..



Rest In Peace Mama Eva